Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
