is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
