But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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