i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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