How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dear god my vagina.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
