I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
