i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
