She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
