Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
