We need to rekindle our bromance
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
