I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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