Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
