I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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