If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
