Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
