Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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