It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
