and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
two words: eviction party
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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