She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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