So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
