I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
