I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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