we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's shark week go big or go home
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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