Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
