What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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