I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
