We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
