I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
