Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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