I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she told me i tasted like america
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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