I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Welp...herpes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
