look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
