Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
