I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
