she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
