That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
