The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
