and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
