lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
