He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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