My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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