We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
