He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
