meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
