Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
