I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
