In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
