Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
