So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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