I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize